Enlightenment

This week reminded me again of how easily I can fall back in life (just let me a bit dramatic here and refer this to life okay).

I can still remember, when I was younger I used to be so determined, so full of energy in everything that I do. I used to be very disciplined in my studies and score all A's in everything. I used to train hard to represent my school and state in mandarin public speaking. And now in Uni, I just... do not care that much what I want to achieve anymore. It saddens me because I started off so well at a young age, but as I grow older, this enthusiasm diminishes.

Why the sudden thought of this? Because I am not happy with myself right now, disappointed at the way I approach things. And it call came down to the choosing of subjects. It was a very last minute choice that I made to switch my two of my subjects to Tax Law and ACE (Accounting for Corporate Entities). These 2 are needed for CA or CPA.

All along I have been following the footsteps of my friends, taking this subj and taking that subj. But of late, I realize my passion lies within marketing. And so I decided to major in Accounting & Marketing. I was gonna screw the whole accrediation thing, like CA and CPA. Because I am so firm and certain with myself that I am going to get into PR/Marketing when I graduate. It was then I thought- heck, what exactly does a CA do? I for sure do not want to get into accounting, but what happens if I want to get into consultancy etc? As it seems, CA and CPA does help alot in the field of consultancy.

The dilemma here is if I should take up ACE, instead of Strategic Marketing (a breadth subject). Esp when my parents give me all the freedom in the world and allow me to do anything I want, the dilemma worsens, (sometimes I wish they put on some force on me) because I do not need to stress myself and do a hard subject. ACE is tough, no doubt. I look at the lecture slides also feel like vomitting already. On the other hand, Strategic is SO EASY! But it was only at that moment that I was feeling that way. After distracting myself for a while, I got back to the notes and I thought- hey ACE isn't too bad. If I put my heart into it and learn, I could actually get alot out of the subject. Besides, am I going to miss the opportunity to do a professional accreditation in the future just because I drop this subject? Just because I refuse to face this little challenge, and give up instead? I might not want to do the professional accreditation now but in the future, things might change. I might actually love it.

It was at that point, that moment, that I told myself- never ever am I going to give up that easily in life anymore. As mummy said- there are things in life that we love doing (good for us); but there are also things we do not like that has to be done. It's a balance. A rational and wise one would do what one has and should do. I decided to be one today. And I am not going to let anything in life hinder me in my goals anymore.

I always say I want to get into the Uni badminton team. But I never gotten around to doing anything that will help me towards this path. I am lazy, not discipline, no passion, no nothing. Back in high school I would tirelessly go for training, go to the gym- all actions show clearly, visibly of what I'd do to get what I want. Whatever happened to now?

I guess this changing of subject thing enlightened me; and gotten me around to think that nothing is impossible. ACE is hard, but I will manage. Badminton team is hard to get into, but I will try my very best. (And so I went jogging today for the first time in YEARS, hard to believe myself). I would like to quote a saying I got out of a friend's FB profile, 'life is tough but I am tougher'. How true, it enlightened me in ways I've never thought it would- especially at this point in time.

For this, I also have to thank the 1 hour I spent on the peak of the snow mountains in Hotham- I could not even stand on my snowbaord, what more of boarding down. That one hour was painful, miserable, depressing. I've never felt so dejected in my life before; not being able to do something somehow isn't quite on wei lynn's list. 'how is it possible that everyone can stand on their snowboards, and board down the slope? and i can't?' seeing my friends looking at me hopelessly made me so damned determined to stand. And I did. I could even board down smoothly after that; and continued to improve tremendously.

Amazing, how a sucky situation could turn into a good one, all because of the power of the mind. I was elated, and I felt on top of the world because for the first time in so long, I achieved something again, out of will, out of determination, out of the power of the mind of 'not giving up'.

And so whenever I feel like giving up in something that I do, I will think of my snowboarding moment, that one hour on the peak; and I will conquer whatever challenges that lie ahead of me.

Because I am wei lynn, and wei lynn never gives up!